How to avoid a deadend lazy summer! May 29, 2009

Today, I got out a calendar and planned out all of the things that I know has to happen.  Camps, VBS, Helping out my mom, and other activities.  They are officially on my calendar.  Now tonight it will be time to sit with my kids and let them see the calendar and then plan out things they would like to do.  So my challenge for everyone is to take 30 minutes  or longer if the attention spans of your children are longer &  sit at the kitchen table together.  While you are there, talk about the activities that are already set in stone.  Put those on your calendar first.  Then ask your kids to list 5 things they would like to do this summer.  Of course you have to filter through the realistic vs “dreaming” activities.  Like taking a trip to Disney World vs going to the pool.  Find out what is important to them and then schedule it out.  Once you have your list then schedule your days accordingly.  Make time for them to do their summer reading.  Make time to take them swimming.  Make time for you to pay your bills & clean house.  However make the time!  Don’t think the time will just appear.  If you think it will just come then you will find yourself in August wishing you had done something with your summer.

Helpful tip to rid yourself of the guilt:  If you  schedule your days around responsiblities and play, and you make it plain where the kids know what to expect, then they aren’t feeling neglected and you aren’t feeling guilty.  Write the vision and make it plain so that he that reads it may run with it.  Make time for you to sit at the computer and pay bills.  Put that on the schedule, but make sure you follow it up with take your kids to the library or pool.  Let your kids see your plan and they will have grace and patience for you to still be responsible.  BUT!!!!! Follow thru……Follow thru….. Follow thru………

“Blame It” …. Time to take responsibility! May 15, 2009

Let me just preface what I’m about to say with this.

I believe that we should monitor what we listen to and what we allow our kids to listen to.  However saying that, I am not an Anti Non Christian Music / Secular Music person.  There are some good songs out there that are not by Christian artists.  I’ll be the first to admit that if I’m traveling I will change the chanels to see what else is on when the stations go fuzzy.  However, when I do listen to other things, I am very guarded about what I listen to.  If it’s talking disrespect, lying, cheating, adultry etc… I don’t listen to it.  What’s the point of it other than desensitizing you to the outcome.   Like I said, I’m not on a soap box of you should never listen to anything other than Christian music.  My daughter likes Taylor Swift.  However, we don’t buy her a Taylor Swift album, we pick which ones are ok for her.  Itunes is great for that.  My personal opinion is that a parent should never purchase their kids a full CD because 9 out of 10 times there will be that 1 song within the decent/ok songs that will totally throw the whole thing off.  You can buy the songs on itunes just as cheap as getting a cd.

So back to my title, “Blame It”:

While at a salon I heard a song, “Blame It” by Jamie Foxx.  As a matter of fact I actually heard it for the first time on American Idol just a few weeks ago.  Now that I know what it says, I hate that it was allowed on a show that kids watch.  OK……. so it was sensored down for TV just like I’m sure it’s sensored down for the radio.  However, the version I heard on the radio was not too sensored.  As I was sitting there listening to the words, (not just the beat) I was like “Did I just hear, what I thought I heard?”  So I being the “researcher” that I am, decided to google the lyrics.  And YEP, I heard what I thought I heard.  I thought about putting a copy of the lyrics on my blog, but I don’t want that garbage on my page.

So here’s my problem with the song. (I will save you energy of trying to look it up)  The whole song is about a guy trying to get a girl drunk / high so that he can sleep with her and show her what she’s been missing.  Not only that, its trying to get the girl to cheat on her boyfriend.  Being a Christian, there are obvious reasons that I despise the song.  However, being a respectable human being there are also reasons to despise the song.  So before you criticize me with all the “Christian” criticism that people like to do, think about it.  Even if you are not a confessing Christian, do you really want to be disrespected and taken advantage of like the song suggests?  I mean do you want someone trying to altar your state of mind so that you would do something with them that you would not have done if you had your mind clear?  Would you really want someone to get you drunk so you could cheat on your boyfriend or husband?  Would you want someone to get you high so you could sleep with them and possibly get a disease or get pregnant?

So now I’m ready for all the comments of “it’s just a song”, “I listen to the beat, not the words”, “my kids don’t understand what they are saying”, “songs don’t effect my teen”.

So let me just say this.  I am 32 years old and have been married for almost 14 years.  I have 3 kids.  So I KNOW the power of a song!  You can’t tell me that songs do not put thoughts in your head of what you could do.  I’m sorry but songs put you in the mood!

So for all who read this, I’m sure you have your own opinion.  This is just what I have to say about it.  After working with teenagers for 13 years, I have a big heart for them.  We sadly have a generation coming up now that has not been properly trained in respect, love, and work ethic.  So any time I get a chance to help them I try to.

So to all of the teens that I know and have an influence in your life at church and away, be ready.  I’ve heard some of you sing this song in the last week.  I didn’t know what you were singing at the time.  However now I do.  I’m gonna call you on it.  Because you are singing a song that says I wanna get you drunk and take advantage of you. BUT!……” we can blame it on the  Ah  Ah Ah Alcohol!”….. NO!!! Take responsibility for your actions.  Don’t open the door to this junk.

Parents, I’ve said before, get in your kids business.  Don’t let the radio/media determine what’s OK and what’s not.  They obviously don’t have it right if they will play a song that tells you “Take your panties off” and “My pants just got bigger”.  (that’s the least of it, I refuse to type the other stuff out).   I don’t want to just pick on this song, cause there are many out there.  So I encourage you to know what they are listening to.  Like I said earlier there is power in a song.  If your kids are not drinking or sleeping around now, you let them listen to that kind of stuff and it eventually gets in their head and they lower their standards and their judgment.  If you are a parent, then you were a teenager once too.  How many references to “Back Seat of the Car” to you have to hear to realize there’s a problem.  Most love scenes on TV you see there is some kind of music playing.  Hmmm…….. Maybe I have a point here…….???….!!!!

I’m not going to tell you how to raise your kids.  That’s your responsibility and your choice.  I can only give my advice and my thoughts on the subject.  However, if you don’t step in and be a part of your kids life and evaluate what they are listening to, watching, & who they are hanging out with, don’t complain to me when they end up pregnant or getting someone pregnant, or have a STD.  Or even end up having to go to Rehab.

I’m very passionate about this.  But I also don’t want to seem harsh and out of love in saying this.  There just comes a time when we have to stop tip toeing around the subject and being nice.  Nice ideas or encouragement hasn’t worked totally.  Sometimes you have to just lay out the hard truth.

My dream would be that people would stand up for morality and respect.  It’ s time to stop letting the government and world determine what’s appropriate for our kids and teens and start making those decisions ourselves.  The government and society doesn’t want to take care of our kids when they are in rehab or get an STD or pregnant or end up on the streets.  They want us to take care of them as parents.  So why would we let them take care of what’s right and wrong for our kids?

I’m done with this topic.  I think I’ve beat this “sick horse” as much as I could for now.  I didn’t say “dead horse” because I still think we have hope, if we just stand up and fight for what’s right!

PS…….I was just thinking about the blog and I decided to add this:

I understand the parents who have teens can’t control them. You can’t control what they are listening to when they are away from you. However, you can teach them to have more respect for themselves and others and try to encourage them not to listen to this stuff when they… Read More are away. But you can control what’s on their IPod and things when they are home.

Just didn’t want to come across judgmental toward those who have teens and are trying to do the best they can. I know they have their own free will to make choices. We just have to pray they make the right choices

Endeavoring to change the way I communicate with my kids & other kids March 11, 2009

Haven’t blogged in a REALLY long time.  So I thought I would blog as I read a new book.  I just bought “Hearing Is Believing” by Elisa Medhus.  So far I have only read the forward and the introduction.  I must say that I am very excited to read the rest of the book.  It addresses a big statement “How words can make or break your kids”.  I am praying that I will recognize the things I need to change in myself through the revelation in this book.  I would totally reccomend you buy this book if you are a parent.

Think about this.  What if you talked to your kids the way you talk to another adult?  Why do we talk down to our kids in the hopes of training them up into strong, obediant, confident adults?  What are we doing to their self esteem?  I think it all goes back to respecting them as we would others.  If we respect them maybe, just maybe….. they will in return be respectful.

Can’t wait to dig into this book.